I'm about
to piss off, and possibly even disgust, many people right now. I love pizza with
pineapple, and not just pineapple, but extra pineapple! Those little slivers of
fleshy gold are yummy delicious for sure and complement any pizza perfectly.
This is the epitome of sweet and savory.
I know what
you’re thinking, that’s sacrilege and I’m tarnishing the good name of pizza
with that madness. There are going to be people in the streets throwing
marinara sauce on me as if it were holy water in hopes of exorcising the
pineapple demon that consumed my soul, and my appetite. However, most of the
individuals who are acting like a guest on the Jerry Springer show over this
whole ordeal have never even tried it; they just say they don’t like it because
they don’t want to be labeled as different. They want to remain status quo when
it comes to their food.
I implore
you to reconsider your stance against the joining of these two foods! If a man
can marry a man then why can’t pizza marry pineapple? Who wants cookies without
chocolate chips, or even ice cream without sprinkles, so why would you want
pizza without pineapple? Why would you do that to your taste buds, you’re supposed
to look out for your buds, have their back and treat them right and not have
them needlessly do without.
Don’t be
afraid to take the plunge, or the bite for that matter. Are you fearful of what
your neighbors will think if they see a pie with that scrumptious fruit smothered
on top delivered to your door? Then go stand outside a pizzeria and pay someone
to go in and pick it up for you like one of those kids begging for someone to
buy them alcohol outside the liquor store. Disguise your voice when ordering it
over the telephone. Eat it in a darkened room with no windows and with no one
else around to witness the occasion. I don’t care what it takes for you to
finally devour this delight, but I can promise you that once you do you’ll
never go back, kind of like going black.
Another
plus for doing this is that you could trick your brain into thinking that you’re
eating better, kind of like ordering a Diet Coke with a large number one at
McDonald’s. So go ahead and pile on the toppings, and add the extra cheese but
just don’t forget the icing on the cake which of course is the pineapple and
you’ll be eating healthier **wink, wink**. Now you could even eat the whole
thing without feeling an ounce of guilt, but just don’t try to walk, or even breathe
right after scarfing it down because it won’t be easy.
When the
great poet Beyoncé said, “If you liked it, then you should have put a ring on
it”, she was talking about pineapple rings. The bottom line is this, we are not
talking about Donald Trump in the White House here, we are talking about
putting an incredibly tasty fruit on pizza, so stop being boring and
tight-assed and give it a try! Who knows you may just be pleasantly surprised.
MJM
