“Pineapple Pizza: Pure Passion or Putrid Poison?”

I'm about to piss off, and possibly even disgust, many people right now. I love pizza with pineapple, and not just pineapple, but extra pineapple! Those little slivers of fleshy gold are yummy delicious for sure and complement any pizza perfectly. This is the epitome of sweet and savory.

I know what you’re thinking, that’s sacrilege and I’m tarnishing the good name of pizza with that madness. There are going to be people in the streets throwing marinara sauce on me as if it were holy water in hopes of exorcising the pineapple demon that consumed my soul, and my appetite. However, most of the individuals who are acting like a guest on the Jerry Springer show over this whole ordeal have never even tried it; they just say they don’t like it because they don’t want to be labeled as different. They want to remain status quo when it comes to their food.

I implore you to reconsider your stance against the joining of these two foods! If a man can marry a man then why can’t pizza marry pineapple? Who wants cookies without chocolate chips, or even ice cream without sprinkles, so why would you want pizza without pineapple? Why would you do that to your taste buds, you’re supposed to look out for your buds, have their back and treat them right and not have them needlessly do without.

Don’t be afraid to take the plunge, or the bite for that matter. Are you fearful of what your neighbors will think if they see a pie with that scrumptious fruit smothered on top delivered to your door? Then go stand outside a pizzeria and pay someone to go in and pick it up for you like one of those kids begging for someone to buy them alcohol outside the liquor store. Disguise your voice when ordering it over the telephone. Eat it in a darkened room with no windows and with no one else around to witness the occasion. I don’t care what it takes for you to finally devour this delight, but I can promise you that once you do you’ll never go back, kind of like going black.

Another plus for doing this is that you could trick your brain into thinking that you’re eating better, kind of like ordering a Diet Coke with a large number one at McDonald’s. So go ahead and pile on the toppings, and add the extra cheese but just don’t forget the icing on the cake which of course is the pineapple and you’ll be eating healthier **wink, wink**. Now you could even eat the whole thing without feeling an ounce of guilt, but just don’t try to walk, or even breathe right after scarfing it down because it won’t be easy.

When the great poet Beyoncé said, “If you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it”, she was talking about pineapple rings. The bottom line is this, we are not talking about Donald Trump in the White House here, we are talking about putting an incredibly tasty fruit on pizza, so stop being boring and tight-assed and give it a try! Who knows you may just be pleasantly surprised.

MJM